In the day to day chaos that is our lives, it's amazing how just one change can effect our life so greatly. In this day and age, ripples aren't just for water, and domino effects don't just effect dominos. Everything seems to effect everything, no one thing can ever go unchanged. And maybe that's sometimes a good thing, sometimes a bad thing, but it seems that, more often than not, it is the undecided changes that effect us more than anything.
If you could go back in time and change some of the decisions you made, would you do it? It seems that people have been asking themselves this question for so long that it's almost become a cliche. But cliche or not, its pertinence will continue to make it an everlasting question that puzzles so many, as they face the struggles and questions before them daily. If I hadn't left, would they have robbed the house? If I hadn't made that mistake, would we still be together? Would she still be alive?
For me, it's a question, not of life or death, loss or gain, but of love and pain. Would I have been ready if he'd shown up two years in the future? If I'd just stayed with my original choice, & not had the chance to watch the sparks fly that first day, would I be sitting here swallowed up by an emotional wave that I wasn't ready to face? And yet, if I hadn't met him that day, would I have ever met him?
When the scales are filled, the weights counted, and the answer is still unsure, the only thing I know is that I no longer know how to live without him. It is now a question of whether that will prove itself useful or harmful, and the answer is yet to be seen.
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